Well, I’ve been thinking a bit about why it is so many people seem to complain about some of my favourite websites. When you type the name in for a few of them in Google the auto finish options show the word ‘scam’ straight after the website name. Probably not going to arouse suspicion in the 4 or 5 people that still use “Ask Jeeves” but for the other few billion of us it might set off a few flags.

I had an email from someone voicing their concerns that these sites are just a big scam to rip people off. I have a few other possible explanations for their attitude.

Firstly, they’ve probably just gone their and set up a profile, had a few winks or pings or whatever, and just assumed that because in their own mind they are so awesome the women would cyber swoon over their cyber profile and flow forth and beg for their details to hook up straight away. When this hasn’t quite happened as they’d envisioned they wrote it off as the whole thing being a scam with fake profiles and restored their ego instead of expanded their horizons.

Like a few gaming geeks I knew a long time ago (just knew them, didn’t say friends) were sitting around chatting about how this girl within their group must be a lesbian because she’s knocked them all back. Fast forward to the future and four boyfriends later and she’s now engaged. And not to one of the geeks who just assumed that it should happen for them, and took the rejection badly.

If you don’t go to any effort contacting people and trying to build a rapport you’ll get nowhere. It’s basically like going out to the pub trying to meet people on a Friday night. If you don’t make an effort you’ll be outshone by the guys who do. Similar proportions apply i.e. numbers of males to females. So you need to be the guy that is the highlight of the party, and write a profile and that stands out without sounding like a conceited jerk.

However, DO NOT STOP AT THE PROFILE STAGE! Seek and ye shall find ye treasure! You have to pull your finger out and introduce yourself to people. It’s very competitive in this environment, as you’re competing against all the ‘masters of text flirting who disappoint in real life’ types of people. You’ve got to have the goods in two departments. Which makes perfect sense to me.

The fact is, you’ve got to be the Don Juan in real life and in cyberland at the same time. You may think, ‘well, if I had those skills to pick up women in real life why wouldn’t I just use them in real life and not worry about dating sites?’ Good point. HOWEVER, the advantage with these websites is that the people on them are more about scratching an itch and not about looking for a long term relationship. That increases your chances that you can maintain discretion, which is an absolute must for the discerning lover.