Well, I think it’s time that we charted a course, raised the anchor, and set sail towards the land of commonsense. One of the most idiotic things you can do if you want to have an affair is to join sites like eharmony and rsvp. It’s like selling whale meat at a greenpeace rally. Not exactly what the audience expects, no?

It’s the same thing with regular dating sites. The people on them aren’t looking for a fling, even if they’re attached and looking at straying. If they’re looking for other options, they’re most likely looking for an exit plan for their current relationship, and they want to trade up to a new partner but they want it long term.

This is not our goal. It’s more like our gaol (that’s the proper english spelling for what you American’s call a jail, kind of kills the joke when I have to explain it).

So this is why you need to meet any possible new lover through a site specifically arranged for the purpose. My favourite should be pretty obvious by now, as I’ve got little banners everywhere over the site now. Like this one:

There’s still the old fashioned meet them in the flesh kind of way, but I’m starting to lean more and more to online introductions for a few good reasons:

Firstly, you can target an area that’s a bit further away from you, that you normally wouldn’t travel to in your day to day activities, and more importantly that your partner wouldn’t travel to. One of the key things to think of when having an affair is where you’ll meet your mistress. You’ve got to assess where they live, and where is a nice neutral territory that means you both don’t have to travel too far to meet up, but puts you both outside of your usual zones of travel. It seriously reduces the likelyhood of encountering people that you already know when you’re having an affair.

Secondly, you can take advantage of the fact that they are open to the idea of infidelity. Otherwise, why the hell would they have signed up? Make sense? A shared risk is a good risk, as both parties will definitely want to keep their behaviour secret. It totally removes the need for my initial “I might let you be one of my mistresses” conversation, which has about a 50% strike rate with the potential candidates for having an affair. It’s like they’ve already signed a non-disclosure agreement. Couldn’t get any better really.

Thirdly, and finally, Ashley Madison lets you view people who’ve been online, or signed up in the last week or ten days. What this means, is that you can be ready to capitalise on the initial curiousity phase that people have with the site. You can send them a nice message a few days after they’ve joined, while their motivation for joining is still fresh in their mind. I’ve discovered that if you aim for contact on a Monday, you can usually strive for a meet up the following Sunday if you play your moves right. Let me just make that clear though, this is a meet up that isn’t going to end up sweaty between the sheets. This is the prelude where you see if there’s any genuine attraction and interest.

Then you can plan for the sweaty part.