Tread lightly grasshopper, do not disturb the angry lion. Be as invisible as the wind, as silent as the night, and most importantly, choose your target wisely!

Generally I’m the sort of jerk man who steers clear of having affairs with married women. Most of my affairs are with young ladies who are single, or at most have a casual boyfriend. I have a few criteria, but occassionaly I break my own rules, as I’m a hypocrite, just like the other near 7 billion of us.


Over the last few months I’ve been receiving a bit of attention from an older lady (33) at my daughter’s school. She’s a parent of a child who attends the same kindy as my daughter, and she noticed that I don’t wear a ring at all and got ready to pounce. At first I thought she was a single mum desperate for a man to cling hold of for the rest of her life (one of my top five nightmares of all time). However, it turns out that she’s married, but unhappily. The reason she’s so unhappy is that her husband is a Fly In Fly Out (FIFO) worker on the mines in South Australia.

This is the exact sort of work that leads to divorces, as these guys usually work anything from a 2 weeks on 1 week off schedule, through to a 4 week on 1 week off. The money is fantastic, but it’s devastation for family life. There’s only so much Skype can do. It can’t be there to hold or comfort. It can’t pick up a child and read it a bedtime story. It just can’t replace being there.

My motto for family life (please, try to hold in your laughter at me) is quality time at work, quantity time at home. If you don’t abide by this formula, it can lead to resentment and a breaking of the relationship and the family unit. I only work six hour days and pick my kids up from school and take them to the library or the park on most days. I’m at home until their bed time, and that’s when I head out to pursue my extra curricular activities.

What’s that? You can’t afford to only work 6 hours? Well, don’t indulge in having mistresses for a start, as they can be pretty expensive to run.

The real make or break for FIFO families is that when the man comes back into town, he regards the whole week as his ‘me’ time. He views the time he’s been working as work time, where he hasn’t been able to relax, and now that he’s back home he goes into weekend mode. And very often neglects his wife and kids in order to pursue his interests back in town. He feels that he works hard, and that he deserves these pleasures, and that his hefty paycheck makes up for his inattentiveness.

That’s where I step in. I help to fill the gap (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) for the neglected wife and show her the attention and passion that she deserves.

The wives of FIFO workers are a target rich environment. A few of my casual liasons (i.e. affairs that haven’t really blossomed into any thing short or long term, so pretty much two or three flings.) have partners who are away all the time, and these are the ones I’ve met online.